Today I awakened to a yucky sad feeling. Nothing unusual and something I have experienced most mornings since January 4th. But today was for a different reason. We lost. The Falcon boys basketball lost their chance to win the Gold Ball. What in the world !- how can this possibly compare to the loss of my mother. How could the two even remotely be viewed as similar. So I wrestled most of the morning with this wretched desire to throw in the towel and chalk all of life up as a loss ( a little dramatic I'm sure).
Then God began to show me something ....... As I cleaned the kitchen I finished listening to a sermon entitled "Pivotal Circumstances" by Andy Stanley which I recommend you go here Five Things to Grow your Faith and download for $1. I had listened to half of it on the way to the basketball game last night.
I have watched my husband pour his life into these boys......practicing with them every Sunday night for 3 years . Talking about them non-stop. With a dream of them getting the ultimate reward of the gold ball and winning the state Championship. They were supposed to win....they were the best in the State of Oklahoma....
My husband has watched me pour my life into my mom for 4 years. With a dream her health would be restored. She wasn't supposed to die. Her cancer was stable......
Dreams over , gone. What we hoped for are not even possible anymore. God did not show up and answer our prayers.... But this is where He showed me something very profound .
When my mom past away we buried her with one of these bracelets. One of our adoption bracelets that say "praying for Addi May". A gesture of including our daughter who will never know my mom .
When the state tournament started I saw my husband wearing one of these for the first time. I thought that was really special how he must have wanted her to be a part of this "win" since she is not with us yet. But he didn't win.
And this is where I realize this bracelet represents so much more to us. It represents our belief and hope. We have fallen in love with an Ethiopian baby we have never even seen. This bracelet represents our hope for Him to redeem a life story of a baby girl on the other side of the world and not leave her as an orphan.
Even in our hurt and loss we trust Him anyway. Our belief is in a God who is bigger than this sin ravished world that takes our dreams. This bracelet represents, more importantly, our believe in our own redemption through our adoption as sons and daughters of a Living God.
I want to see Him even in our losses. Disappointment and gut wrenching hurt is sure to come, maybe through death. Maybe in a basketball game. I want to say "I believe" even when my circumstances try to convince me I have nothing to hang my belief on.
Today I am going to put on my bracelet , enjoy the sunshine and do some singing along with Crowder
-Kelli
Thanks for that post, Kelli. I'm familiar with a similar "yucky sad feeling" as I wake up each morning (although maybe it has gotten a little more dull since almost a year ago). I'm glad that you got to have this morning of reflection and revelation. People like your mom - whose cancer was contained - and Jackie - who was still so young, and full of life, and fought with unhuman-like strength against cancer - should not have died when they did. Something i'll never understand.
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